Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
