I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
