Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
