I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
