"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I wish they made helmets for livers.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
