just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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