Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
