yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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