so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
