threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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