I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
