I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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