so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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