I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
