Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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