ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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