youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
