He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
