We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
