if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
