Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
whose parrot is this?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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