I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
