i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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