it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
