He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
