Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
