when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
