I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
