Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
