FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
