Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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