My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
