two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
