I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
