We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
