I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
