hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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