I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
