I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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