my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
