DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
