if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize