so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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