the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
