I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
