did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
