I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
she smelled like a LAN party
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
