nut hugger
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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