Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
