she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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