just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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