Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
This couple is walking their pig around campus
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize