Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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