I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
