it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
why is half of my head shaved?
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