there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
