I got chris browned last night
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
