So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You need a sexual gate keeper
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
