I feel great
I just peed on a car
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
