your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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