I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Boobs speak an international language.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
