puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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