we're blogging at a bar
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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