Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
