hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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