we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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